It's okay to not be okay.

"The opposite of love is not hate, but apathy." 

Tonight I broke down after months of keeping things together. I think it's a big deal because it's been more than half a year and I'm still not over my last relationship.

I know everything already; "It takes time. Time will heal you. You'll get there," they said. Yes, I've heard all those things, but there also another thing I know: Time. Is. Such. A. Bitch.

"How do I love thee? / Let me count the ways..."

-Shakespeare (Sonnet 43)

Though one of the probably oldest saying there is about loving another person is that there shouldn't be any reason for you to love, deep down, you know that you have at least one reason why.

I love him because he makes me laugh, and also because he makes me cry within reason. I love it the most when he makes me cry from too much laughing.

I’ve been watching Chuck lately and one of the line-exchange between Chuck Bartowski and Sarah Walker was this:

Sarah Walker: I’m sorry that I freaked out when you asked me to move in with you. It’s just, you know how I grew up. I spent my life living in hotel rooms under fake names. I’ve been trained to survive a thousand different situations in the field. But nobody ever taught me how to live a normal life.
Chuck Bartowski: Well, I hate to break it to you, but I don’t think we’re ever going to live a normal life.
Sarah Walker: Well, I’d like to have something to fall back on when my spy life is over.

Over all the cheesiness in these lines, only one idea stuck to me: I want to live the spy life.

“Living in hotel rooms under fake names." That’s enough reason for me to become a spy. Not to mention being able to travel around the world, all expenses paid. It may be a lonely life but the thrill of it, the sense of adventure, it really excites me. And God only knows how much I need a getaway right about now.

Living a life of espionage would really complete all my life goals. I have always wanted to travel around the world; go back-packing around Europe. Eat genuine French and Italian food. I could go from one place to another without being recognized or found. 

Yes, there’s the possibility of getting killed. But duh, I would never dream of entering the spy life without the proper training. There’s also the thrill of surviving on my own. For the longest time, I’ve always imagined, daydreamed, thought about how it would go if I ever lived on my own.

Travelling, adventure, privacy, independence.

And frankly, I think life couldn't get any sweeter than that.

College 2.0: Of AC Times, YCPA, and Freshmen Orientation.

When I entered Assumption College, I realized that not only did I get the chance to study again and go for something entirely different, I also gained the opportunity to challenge myself in so many ways that I didn't get to do in my years in De La Salle University. And this was to join and be active in school organizations. Because when I was still in La Salle extra- and co-curricular activities were far from my goals list.